thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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