Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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