I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
