I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
