mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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