All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
