i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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