it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sober January is a disaster.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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