Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
