I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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