i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
