just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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