oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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