don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
