He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
People in love make me want to vomit
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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