Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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