Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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