i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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