So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
