She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
