I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
