I didn't shave. On purpose
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
