Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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