i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
