I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
