so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
