you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize