two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
