evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize