If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
