when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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