Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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