you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
