Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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