I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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