So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
