swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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