I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
