i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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