Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
