I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
