Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
