That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is wine microwaveable?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
