i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
