he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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