Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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