Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
