This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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