I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have post one night stand depression
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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