Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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