We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
