I hate all girls vehemently.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
that is very illegal...i love you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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