I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
