I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
