This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
