STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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