Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
