Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize