OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize