if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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