party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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