why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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