I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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